Day in, day out I am sick of feeling like this. Sick of hurting, sick of being alone. I am sick of waiting and living in the chance that 'one day' things may be different. They haven't changed for 4 and 1/2 years and frankly, I don't believe they ever will. I don't believe they can. It is all so deeply rooted and all so tangled and far to painful to unwind and needs more strength than I possess to overcome.
They all look at me and think I am 'cured' or desire for me to be 'cured'. They want me to move on, leave the past in the past but I can't do that... I am chained to that that they won't see.
I am fet up of living simply not to hurt anyone. Fet up of being here for them. I don't want to hurt them... but if I do it I will but I can no longer live this lie. I can no longer endure this life.