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**
by Over, 20, female

December 19, 2002

Dear Diary,

Day in, day out I am sick of feeling like this. Sick of hurting, sick of being alone. I am sick of waiting and living in the chance that 'one day' things may be different. They haven't changed for 4 and 1/2 years and frankly, I don't believe they ever will. I don't believe they can. It is all so deeply rooted and all so tangled and far to painful to unwind and needs more strength than I possess to overcome.

They all look at me and think I am 'cured' or desire for me to be 'cured'. They want me to move on, leave the past in the past but I can't do that... I am chained to that that they won't see.

I am fet up of living simply not to hurt anyone. Fet up of being here for them. I don't want to hurt them... but if I do it I will but I can no longer live this lie. I can no longer endure this life.

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I know. I know you are hurting so badly that you cannot fathom what it feels like to be happy. But stay strong and sooner or later it will happen. Keep your head up and your heart strong. It'll get better. I know. I promise
OliveOil


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