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Disease Back?
by babygirl02_nf, 17, female

December 10, 2002

Dear Diary,

So today was an abnormal day for me. I have scared myself. I guess I should probably go back on my life a little bit.
A couple years ago I used to be anorexic. My mom never did know until someone mentioned how skinny I was and how little I ate when I went over to their house.

After that, my mom tried to act if she cared and bought all this low-fat food so I would eat. Which I still didn't but then she made me eat.

That's when I started purging. It really sucked but it felt so good afterwards. But I stopped after a couple of months for my best friends. It was so hard but I did.

Last year, so many things were happening at once that I started purging because it made me feel better. I hate to cry, it shows weakness. That's why I started purging again. I got so bad that I hadn't even ate anything and I would purge.

I eventually got caught and was once again made to stop. It has tooken everything I have to not go and puke my brains out when times get rough but I had stopped. I had finally gained control.

Until today. Today I ordered a pizza and I ate about three slices and after awhile I just couldn't stand having that in my stomach. I went and started to take my bath and that's when I purged. I purged and purged until there was nothing left in my stomach. I could feel it because hunger was there once again.

I'm afraid to tell anyone because this time they may actually want to put me into a hospital and I don't want them. I can stop it, I think.

That's why I'm so scared. If I can do this when everything is so great, how am I going to be when everything in my world is turned upside down?

Comment on this entry

Anyway gurl, research bulimia, tell a fwend, mom, counselor ect. Just 1 thing: GET HELP!!!!

Joe, when ppl purge, it's called bulimia, not anorexia.

When you get sick like this your mind is gonna want you to keep throwing up. you shouldn't trust yourself yet. go get help first.

When you get sick like this your mind is gonna want you to keep throwing up. you shouldn't trust yourself yet. go get help first.

yup, agree with ju...u ought to tell someone who u trust and can help u get over this problem before it gets worse...anorexia is dangerous and ppl die of it...get help at once!

definately tell someone. you may think you will be able to stop, but you won't. tell someone you can trust, like your mom, and if you can't tell her, then tell someone else.

Current Topic: Self Harm
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