So today was an abnormal day for me. I have scared myself. I guess I should probably go back on my life a little bit.
A couple years ago I used to be anorexic. My mom never did know until someone mentioned how skinny I was and how little I ate when I went over to their house.
After that, my mom tried to act if she cared and bought all this low-fat food so I would eat. Which I still didn't but then she made me eat.
That's when I started purging. It really sucked but it felt so good afterwards. But I stopped after a couple of months for my best friends. It was so hard but I did.
Last year, so many things were happening at once that I started purging because it made me feel better. I hate to cry, it shows weakness. That's why I started purging again. I got so bad that I hadn't even ate anything and I would purge.
I eventually got caught and was once again made to stop. It has tooken everything I have to not go and puke my brains out when times get rough but I had stopped. I had finally gained control.
Until today. Today I ordered a pizza and I ate about three slices and after awhile I just couldn't stand having that in my stomach. I went and started to take my bath and that's when I purged. I purged and purged until there was nothing left in my stomach. I could feel it because hunger was there once again.
I'm afraid to tell anyone because this time they may actually want to put me into a hospital and I don't want them. I can stop it, I think.
That's why I'm so scared. If I can do this when everything is so great, how am I going to be when everything in my world is turned upside down?