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by notjustanotherone, 13, female

December 7, 2002

who really knows anything anymore? who ever did? who ever will? honestly deep down actually fully completely understanding and knowing something.

last night was bad. #####. bad #####. but all got better later, but i still felt like #####. i just didnt have the drive to kill myself. well attempt to; im such a #####ing coward. and if anybody out there thinks suicide is a cowards way out, thats #####ing bull#####. personally, i think (as well as most people i have asked) that its brave. to actually do it. but the failures....those are just sad and pathetic. wont go away. always reminding me that im weak, pathetic, unable to do the one and only thing that matters.

i look down at my arm and i can almost, almost feel how i felt those nights. almost. but then again, i feel like that a lot, even when im too #####ing stupid, or cowardly, to even attempt. but i have to stop feeling bad for myself, just tough up and do it. self-pity is a waste, but honestly i have to say i spend a lot of my time wallowing in a pool of it. damn.

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i understand your every word. i used to hate myself for being so scared to do it all the time. i think i am better now. i've gotten a lot of help and it seems to work
Britt


Current Topic: Self Harm
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