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confustion
by KAT, 17, female

May 2, 2002

There is all of this crazy "drama" going on righ tnow in my life, i dont know who my friends are, i dont know who i can lean on, or trust with anything, and it all just seems very crazy. there are a lot of really important events coming up right now, and i dont know what to focus my energy on. i mean, we are all graduating in a month and a half, and i just dont understand why i should be fighting for friendships and what not that could potentially be gone in a few months. i just dont know what to do. because i know that i should feel thankful for having these people in my life at all, but when people screw you over time and time again, what are you supposed to do? I just hate it. if it isnt one thing it is the next, and then the guy of my dreams called me last night and asked me for girl advice, and i asked him why he was talking to me about it, and he told me that i was the only one he trusted and that he didnt want to talk to anyone else. and i sat there, and i told him that he should go for it, that he should ask her out on Prom and all of this crap, because i want him to be happy, but god dammint, when do i get to be happy. so i dont know where to go, i dont know who is saying what when i am not around, i just dont know, and its killing me. it is hard to be a one person army, and have nothing to lean back on, but there is also nothing that you can do about that.

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Sometimes lifes a b i t ch and then you die, but you have to have strength to get through it... Maybe you should be honest with this guy and tell him how you feel...
Pennie


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