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living on oxygen
by trista::., 15, female

February 7, 2002


oh, oh, oh! no those aren't orgasmic moans...my lyfe is the shyts right now...my e.d. is taking over my life. what i'm eating, what i'm not eating, filling up my water bottle, sneaking around...ugh! but i have CONTROL of it. ((nothing matters when i'm thin...like a plant, we can train the body to exist on nothing and take nourishment from the air...nothing tastes as good as being thin feels...to be appreciated you have to be tall and thin, but if not tall, then at least under 100 lbs...hunger hurst but starving works...food is an enemy, the only real deprivation is never being thin...) omg, i'm obsessed. last nite i totally broke down to my boyfriend david. i cried on his chest and he just held me there, his breathing was steady and his strong arms held me close. i just wanted to listen to his healthy heart and never move out of that moment. david said that he'd love me no matter how much i weighed, but i wanna be perfect--perfect for my boyfriend, my friends, me. thin=perfection......................i cried after david left my house last nite. i cried myself to sleep b/c he wasn't with me, and i don't have any money, and one of my friends is #####ed at me, and most of all b/c i'm a big FAT 93 lbs. i just don't know...........i know i need help in my life. i want to keep thinking that david will always protect me from everything, and that "all i need is love." lets face it, love ain't gonna put food on the table(maybe a few buns in the oven, lol) thanks for emailing me, the borderline anorexic guy. savestheday, how come u didn't comment on my last entry??? u always do...its a tradition...lol...well i'm outta here...........

Comment on this entry
Name
Comment

and also guys like muscle especially on ur legs and i got sum :) u should too
skinnyb

(continued) every where i go even if its a couple miles. you can eat as much as you want as long as you do physical activity, and thats the end of the story. if you are too lazy to excercise than thats not anyones problem but urs. and stop starving urself, seriously.
skinnyb

i am 5'5 but i weigh 105 pounds, and im fine with that. its not the # that u c when u step on a scale that matters, its that you can wear clothes that u like and look in the mirror and b happy with urself. i eat CRAP every day but i go to the gym at least 3 times a week and i run on my treadmill every day. i walk
skinnyb

i understand you. its not that she is stupid. being anorexic is a pshcycological problem. i have felt the same way for years. so maybe yall could be a little nicer to her and quit telling her she is dumb. it only makes it worse when people tell us tht.
audrey

You should seek the advice of someone you trust anonymous posts on here are only going to make you feel better for a few minutes. Go get some help, its a phase it will pass, but try not to due to much damage in the meanwhile
jb

if u wanna be healthy eat and play sport or do aerobics or dance or sumthin, don't not eat - it's stupid. and 93lbs is waaay to light for a 15 y.o. no matter how tall u are.
lozza

You say your eating disorder is taking over your life, yet you say you have control over it. Anorexia is about control, it is not about being fat or thin. Bones are not beauty.
bnthruitall

think about what your doing...i know someone who cant have kids bcuz she was anorexic
concerned

I never thought that if you thought being perfect means starving yourself and becoming anorexic would be so harmful, i geuss i should think before i do something like that ever in my life.
Chelsea

i aint done. it aint over yet. ur body will eat away ur body fat and muscle and then it will eat away ur body. what is the point of being perfect, if u r a bag of bones.
leila

whoa! ok, im not gonna sit here and watch others diss u, but damn, u need to get out of the denial stage and face up to the fact, even though ur bf says he loves u, u won't live long enuff to even go to prom.
leila

Whoooa whoa whoa. 93 three #####en lbs is too damn thin. Being that skinny turns a guy off big time. You anorexic people need help., BIG time. 93 lbs is just toooo skinny. A big turn off for a guy. You realy need help. If you were like 110 or 115 or 120 lb
Kelli

93 pounds is way too light. I'd guess your ideal weight is around 120-130 maybe more. I can understand if you wanna stay 110-120 but less than that is not gonna look good at all. It's worse than being a little overweight I promise you. For your own good eat something!
Xardioso

Yea you have a problem if you think that's fat. I can understand if you think skinny is beautiful, which it REALLY isn't, but you actually think that's fat I dunno. There's a big difference between being fit, being thin and being skinny. To be healthy and normal is great. Not many guys like thin girls. (continued)
Xardioso

93 lbs is not fat...that's almost nothing
vertigo

I dont know where you guys get the idea that we only like somone who has body fat pecentage of like -200%, most guys like a little meat on their woman and by the way 93 lbs is phucking ridiculas. 93 lbs is like the weight of J Lo's a$$
the dude

snazz that's one for the quote board!
mrruff

whoops, i want to GAIN weight
snazz

i'm not thin, and i'm not happy with myself either. but being so thin that if you turn sideways noone can see you is stupid. ever tried working out what weight you should be for your age and height? if your trying to be too skinny you'll probabaly end up just as sad with yourself as u are now.
Tigerhawk71

shut the ##### up! i'm 95lbs 5'1" 15 years old and i WANT to lose weight. am i the only one that ISN'T stupid around here?
snazz

One of these days your going to look back on your life and realize how stupid were being.
SAVESTHEDAY


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