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Things Are Changing
by angel, 16, female

December 28, 1999

Dear Diary,

so much has gone on lately in my life and i need advice for all of it, i just don't know where to begin. well, i guess i'll start with the good thing. i've been through some stuff lately and i haven't thought of hurting myself once which is a major improvement for me. it shows that i am growing....at least in that area.

i've gone back to drinking and smoking though and i swear i'd do anything to get some weed or acid or something, anything and i don't know why. it just feels good to get a buzz off a cigarette or a drink....it's not like i do this on a daily basis but i've gone from not doing it at all to doing it sometimes which will probably, sooner or later turn into a daily thing.

i'm possibly going to be diagnosed with anorexia if i don't gain some weight. it could be the medication i'm on but i never have an appetite. i don't have a problem with my body, i don't feel like i'm fat or anything like that. i've lost almost 20 lbs and i was already skinny for my height and weight. i've really been trying to eat but it's really hard when i'm never hungry.

i don't feel like i have one friend anymore. my best friend is always busy with her bf, i mean i understand she wants to see him and spend time with him but i'm incredibly jelous. she wasn't like this with her last bf. when we do have time together it's great but it doesn't happen too often. my other best friend is always working or with his other friends, he's got tons of friends so he's always busy....and those are the only ppl i have.

i'm so confused about my sexuality. i won't go into detail but i'm just trying to discover what type of ppl i'm attracted to...and i've been in that mood where i want sex and i don't care who it's with or what the consequences are. i almost got myself into a big mistake but i didn't do anything and i'm glad.

for a long time i haven't believed in god or heaven or anything like that but because of recent things that have happened, i've been questioning that a lot. i think i might want to start going back to church (i haven't gone in about a year). the thing is, i feel like i don't belong there. i don't know what to do or how to approach this.

there's one other good thing though i'd like to share. i passed the high school proficiency test so i'm outa high school. hopefully, i'll start going to college in a few weeks, i'm not sure if it's going to work out or not but if it doesn't i will get a full time job.

well, i think that's it for now. thanks for taking the time to read this, it helps to be able to get things out. anyone that has any advice or comments please let me know.

Comment on this entry
Name
Comment

You really sound like you don't know who you are....maybe you should just spend one day in the park or at home and just be by yourself and think about what you want to do with your life. Get a jou
Lizz

you sound smart, i can tell you're trying to improve your life and get past your problems. don't let anyone tell you differently. i'd like to talk to you, but if you don't then here&
Wonder <angel32541@aol.com>

u know , i don't have any advices 4 u coz i don't have a very happy live too, but what about ur family ? maybe ur mom or dad ? sister or broth maybe ? talk to them, or maybe u can find some ne
suxtobeme <taiyeu_0@yahoo.com>


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