October 13, 1999

Dear Diary,

when i was going out with my ex he managed to push me into doing alot of things that i didnt really want to do. i was a virgin when i went out with him.. infact i had never done anything with a guy befor i went out with him. and i didnt want to do anything too physical really, but he made it seem like it was love when all it really was was lust. he would say "im just trying to show you how much i love you" and i know i know, i was really stupid and naive and i wanted him to love me and be telling me the truth so i went along with it even though i didnt really want to. and now i feel like such a slut , i cant believe i was so dumb... i even want to kill myself sometimes because now that i went out with him and did stuff i have a reputation and that is going to follow me the rest of the time i live here and all guys are just going to use me and all the nice guys are going to be scared off because they'll think im a slut... what can i do?????????